Feel Nothing

I used to fall asleep with the music on.

Lived through the anxiety-ridden days just trying to hold myself together.
Used everyone and everything as a distraction from real life.
Didn’t want to be by myself.
And then I was thrown into it.
The thing about fear is that it loses its edge once it becomes your reality.

They love to tell me to look at how far I've come.
As if I’ve done something worth shedding my past.
As if I’m a new person now.
Nah.
I’m still here.
I’ll always be here.

Counting the days like I count my blessings.
I don’t even smoke no mo’.
Drinking a couple liters a day.
Moisturizing every morning.
Letting my hair grow.
Self-awareness the new mantra.

I sleep in silence now.
I feel everything.